Happy woman hugging herself. Positive lady expressing self love and care. Vector illustration for love yourself, body positive, confidence concept

It’s probable that as newborns the first person that we had grown to love wasn’t ourselves but rather the person whose arms had become our home and body our sustenance — our mother. It seems as if we humans are hardwired to express our love outwardly before we have learned how to express it inwardly to ourselves. Somehow our love has become an emotional spring that sprouts outwardly to quench the emotional thirst of others while inwardly our own emotional thirst remains unquenched. For many of us, self-love is a kind of secondary love; we’ve become so engrossed in our love for others that we’ve alienated ourselves from our own love. But why is it that so many of us have subjugated self-love into a secondary position behind the love of others? It might be because we don’t see our love as being complete until we’ve found someone apart from ourselves to attach it to; some of us have externalized the feeling of love and haven’t reserved any of it for ourselves to enjoy. We also have the tendency of cherishing that which we can lose more than we cherish that which we cannot lose in life. And being that we cannot lose ourselves, we tend to overcompensate our love for others at the expense of self-love. Some of us have never even attempted to hug and kiss ourselves, our hugs and kisses have become exported affection that has made their home upon the bodies of others, but are strangers to our own being.

It’s not our material assets that give us our true worth in life; it’s the immaterial feeling of self-love which appraises us the best. Some of us have made the mistake of stepping on the scale of comparison to appraise ourselves but doing so only scales down our true worth. Comparison is poisonous to self-love; the moment we step on the scale of comparison, we will be subjected to an imperfect measurement that will be harmful to the way we view ourselves. I’ve often heard people speak about imperfection but nothing in life can be imperfect until it’s measure up against something it’s not; the imperfection doesn’t lie with who we’re but with how we measure who we’re. Imperfection is the offspring of comparison; if we should extract comparison from our mind, we would come to the realization that we’re perfectly who we’re. Self-love is the antidote to the mental poison of comparison; it prevents us from cosmeticizing ourselves with made-up lies. Being that we cannot separate love from self, it’s natural for us to be selfish with our love at times; it’s natural for us to christen ourselves with our own love before we allow others to bask in its titillating feeling. And although it’s natural for us to mentally digest the opinions of others, we should never reduce ourselves to these opinions nor allow them to injure the love we’ve for ourselves.

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