“I want to find love,” this has been the mantra of humanity since our early existence, even before we have experienced what love is, we were uttering this mantric saying. But sometimes love feels like a cult, that comes with a set of expectations that we find ourselves blindly following; expectations that are continually pulling on our emotions, like the gravitational force of the moon pulls on the seas. This cultish aura, with its expectations, has painted a picture of the ideal love that we have hung on our emotional wall and used it as an example to paint our own picture of love. But everyone wasn’t meant to express love in the same way; just as we’ve biological DNA that distinguished us physically, we also have emotional DNA that caused us to express our emotions differently from each other. Some people emotional DNA caused them to fall in love quicker than others, yet some of our emotional peaks are higher than others so it takes us a long time to reach the mountain top of love. While some people are not comfortable with the light that love shines on their emotional vulnerabilities so they harden themselves toward love; others just don’t have the emotional stamina to love someone for any long period of time. It’s just as important for us to know our emotional DNA, in the same way, that we know our biological DNA; so that we could know why we love the way we do.
Our emotional history also affects how we express our love; we all carry around a meticulous record of all our emotional experiences from childhood to adulthood. And as James Baldwin once said ” History is not the past, it is the present. We carry our history with us. We are our history.” Some people’s love is buried under their emotional pain since early childhood; they didn’t even get a chance to experience their own love, so they don’t know how to show love. The emotion is fragile, when it’s wounded it can leave a lasting effect; sometimes people unconsciously allow these wounds to become their emotional foundation, so they anchored their love to it without even knowing it. Love is not an island, it’s a member of our emotional body that’s interconnected with the other emotions of this body. The complexity of our emotion sometimes cheat us of the simplicity of love, but anything as beautiful as love is worth a little complication.