We should ask ourselves do we love those who we love within the boundary of our wants and needs or do we love them beyond the boundary of our wants and needs? The answer to this question will determine the trajectory of, the longevity of and the reason for our relationships. When I speak of wants and needs, I am not speaking only about physical wants and needs; I am speaking holistically(on a whole):mentally, emotionally, and physically. wants and needs are the pillars and the forces that drive us to enter into relationships; our thoughts, emotions, and actions revolve around our wants and needs. As human beings, we innately gravitate towards people, places and things that are able to satisfy our wants and needs. This is the condition from which relationships are form, except for familial relationships.
Romantic love lives and function within the boundary of our wants and needs (mental, emotional, and physical wants and needs), these relationships are usually volatile and are easily disrupt when the inevitable problems of life present themselves. When we love someone within the boundary of our wants and needs these wants and needs dictate how we feel about and see that person. If we look at those who we love and only see the satisfaction of our wants and needs then this is a romance driven love;this love will only last as long as they’re able to fulfill these wants and needs. Romantic love tends to be seasonal, it strive beautifully in the right season when life is in a dancing mood; it dances to the rhythm of desires to create the music of satisfaction. But when life is not in a dancing mood and the footsteps of trouble draw near it will fizzle away like dust in the wind. This is so because it is not possible to truly love someone if we don’t see ourselves in that person.
Authentic love is multi-dimensional, it lives and function both within and beyond the boundary of our wants and needs. we often ask how do we know when we have found love? We will know when we have find love when trouble find us; just as darkness reveals the magnificent beauty of light, “sufferation” reveals the authenticity of love. Though people can pretend to love us they cannot do so for too long;inauthentic love will always dissipate and show itself for what it is when it is face with sharing in the “sufferation” of others because “sufferation” reveals who is with us and who is not with us. Jesus crucifixion story is a perfect example of this. the closer Jesus got to the cross the farther away his disciples got for him until they were no where to be found.when we truly love someone that person become an extension of who we are, we see ourselves in them, when they suffer we suffer and when they’re happy so are we.
Different seasons of life reveal different characters of a person, just as the trees change its physical features in different seasons in order to adjust to the climate that each season brings with it so do people change their behaviors and attitudes in the different seasons of life. The problem is that we will never know how people behaviors and attitudes will change toward us until we’re experiencing our crucibles(life changing events) in life. Sadly, most of the time we will find out that someone don’t really love us at a time when we really need that person to love us the most. This type of experience will leave an indelible effect on us mentally and emotionally and lay the foundation for an attitude of distrust that will effect future relations.